i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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