Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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