Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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