just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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