I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
