You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
