I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
