I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
