Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
