she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
