You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
