OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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