If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
