New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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