I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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