i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
