My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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