The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
