my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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