i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
