please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
