I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
