Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
