We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
