i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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