He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
