If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
