im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
