arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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