i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
