Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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