Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
