It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
