You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
