I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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