The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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