Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Where is the hickey?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
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No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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