does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You ruined the universe
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
