I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
