Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
