She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
