some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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