I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Found the puke drawer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
