We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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