It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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