Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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