The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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