Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
