Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
