the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
