you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
