Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
