I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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