Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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