PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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