no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
