i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
