May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
