um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
