hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
