I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
