Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
