I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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