Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
