I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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