Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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