Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
