I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
