The maid of honor just puked.
i barfeds in our rink
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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