my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
