i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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