After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish i was in the wii world.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
